please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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