she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
