I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
