I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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