no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
