The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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