Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
