Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
