If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
