her vagina looked like bernie madoff
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
