so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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