i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
