He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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