Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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