hell yes lets make some ravioli
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
