Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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