I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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