Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
