But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
