Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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