I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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