I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
