So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize