So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
