She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
