Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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