I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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