I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
