Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize