i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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