I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
