allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
