Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize