woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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