I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
