Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
