his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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