I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
