Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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