sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
