If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
