I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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