Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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