i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
