I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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