Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
