Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
