So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
