She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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