Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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