Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
