i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
