Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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