Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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