I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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