I want to make a zoo with you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
