so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
