I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
