also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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