you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
