I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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