does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i need some magic done to my vagina
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
