I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
