you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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