How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
