If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
