A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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