i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
